Use Your Words like Your life Depended on them

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

A Moral Quandary

I have a moral dilemma.

This is the story. I recently met a friend for breakfast, having not seen him for a long time, and even longer since we sat down to visit. We updated each other on what was happening in our perspective lives. Then he suggested I visit him. But then he said, “On second thought maybe it wouldn't be fair to you because you’d be watching my wife and I argue.” I asked why? He responded that they are arguing a lot these days because she does not trust him, always accusing him of seeing another woman. I leaned towards him and asked softly, so are you? He nodded his head affirmatively. Hmmm (they knew each other when they were teenagers), and it turns out the person he is seeing is also friend of mine.

He said they met by accident and continued their friendship as though they were never apart and that lead to other things. Big surprise! My girl friend has a very turbulent and violent marriage. She was very unhappy, and was trying to get her life in balance. She was going through a serious depression when they met, again. Apparently, now she has him and he believes in her, by supporting and encouraging her to continue her studies. But they both know it can’t lead to anything else because he is not leaving his wife, and she is not leaving her husband.

My male friend and his wife also have an unhappy marriage; children are grown and out on their own.

So here is my dilemma. I know he and my friend have a deep friendship first, and they look forward to talking to each other; I also know my friend”s wife. My male friend has been married for over 25 years, and his wife was a stay at home wife. My male friend believes so people would be hurt if they knew about his affair, so they (the person he is having the affair with) that it is best if they stayed in their perspective marriages.

If I am to meet then at some function, should I act???? My girlfriend does not know I know, should I say something to her????


mermaid said...

That is tough. This is where your right speech and action are being tested. It sounds like you know everyone involved, which makes it even more difficult. The way you posted the dilemma and the words you chose indicates to me that you are trying not to judge anyone involved. Could you maybe tell DFD what you have posted, and ask him if he could tell his wife about the affair, and the difficult position you are in with your knowledge of the affair and all involved?

Angelina said...

Thank you for your comment, I did think about your option.

You're are right, I accept DFD as he is without judging him. But because of his need to open up to someone, he inadvertently included me as his accomplice. An unfair position to be in that is for certain.

In the end, it is how I handle this that matters. Indeed, this is an interesting test.